Seeds

the road bends long, like mother’s arms reaching for these four black tires and through the night, our knuckles tight we knock off miles and yellow lines

and when it all comes in it’s the biggest thing it’s the blooming night in the white of your bright blue eyes and when it all goes past, it’s the fastest wind and we make it, we make it, we make it

and we don’t look back, cause we don’t need that and we’re going too fast, and we don’t want to, don’t want to crash

the road comes round, it’s a curving crown and our tired temples try and wear it proud cause you get away from all you made all the kid’s mistakes you were taught to make

but we don’t look back, cause we don’t need that and we’re going too fast, and we don’t want to, don’t want to crash

at last we stop when the night comes on and i drive into you, like i’m driven to do and when we then lie still, i still feel the road go, and them spinning wheels…

(the minutes dropping off, the miles are dropping off…) (obedient kids, obedient kids, look what we missed, being obedient kids…) (we go by a million minds, we go by a million dreams, a million silent buried seeds we go by a million lives, we go by a million streets, million silent buried seeds…) (we are seeds…)

and we don’t look back, cause we don’t need that and we’re going too fast, and we don’t want to, don’t want to crash

long we were searching these serpentine streets for the signs of a spark fucking around in the dark then long we were held in the thrum and the desperate heat of the clubs drinking deep from that cup

we’d drink it up

each step was something the beat in the blood and the heat in our hands of twelve regular men so when we come down cathedral street hollow and beaten, to the room that i rent i’m going back up again

i’m going up

but while everything is blooming you know the wilting always waits to steal away your body, to steal away your brains

oh man i hate this part, when the car sails off the bridge am i the knuckles white inside? or am i the water rushing in?

am i rising up? singing:

silent night, holy night take my eyes, take my mind and lay me down! oh! sweet winter kiss on these heavy lids! sweet winter gift of dreamless sleep, lay me down! draw me out! no!

doctor unbandage my eyes i feel the light and i’m ready to be out in it doctor uncover my ears I hear the chorus weeping, i see the people singing: doctor unbandage my eyes i feel the light and i’m ready to be rising! doctor uncover my ears! I hear the chorus weeping! i see the people singing:

let the loser up. let’s get him up.

from under your sheets out into the hall you sleepwalk through the rooms where you grew up out through the porch and the old front doors carried by words that you learned when you were small down the stone steps and into the night it’s the boulevard and the hum of her hard lights and when you open your eyes you’re in central park carried by the words that you learned when you woke up:

even though – i thought i was – all alone – i was wrong even though – i thought i was – all alone – i am not

you can hurry home to mama and your house of doors get the bolt in the hole and you can close all the windows but keeping out the killers and keeping out the creeps isn’t keeping out the doubt and the disbelief as they look for god in them ivory halls you can see her on the porch, listening to the radio, singing that wanderer’s song:

even though – i thought i was – all alone – i was wrong even though – i thought i was – all alone – i am not even though – i thought i was – i was wrong – i am not

and even if – you’re scared stiff – you can trust in this – you can trust in this

just feel them multiply like hungry flies in the sweet summer night in the woods they were waiting, in a word they arrived one doubt from your red mouth, and armies align and once you say it you can’t take it back

it was a beautiful home we had, built with our own two hands, and the amber years we got left, gone in a single breath they put their eyes to their rifles there was a quick fist of light and we were bricks in a pile cause once you say it you can’t take it back oh once you say it you can’t take it back

feel them multiply like a hundred eyes aiming at the words in your breath and then the flies break the flesh and go into your chest

oh see the great citizens with all their white sticks tapping brick they can’t see the wire strung in between them and all that young scum reeling

but oh you do your blinded best with all these arrows through your chest feel em forcing through and they’re forcing you to follow through to where they want you

was it a trick of light? shook my head from side to side, i seen a million lines, the finest thread strung spine to spine

animals run on the sidewalks animals run in the national parks and all the bankers and all the beggars and all the bears are brothers.

is it a trick of light? i shake my head from side to side we rub our eyes and shake our fists at the passersby we scare the kids but mama it’s all for the best

what is the new sum, us tied up? with no thumbs? is it a noose hung? and us tied up? with no thumbs? yeah but in the new sum you gotta count us, we see the lines run we see the lines run, can you see them? can you see them? can you see them?

we begin downstairs and we end up up here. (well see you grew everything that you needed to live on. that’s what it amounted to. mostly the main crop was potatoes. but then you grew carrots, you know, cabbages, lettuce, tomatoes…and we had cherry trees, big cherries, you know, almost as big as the ones you can buy in the store now. we still have some here as matter of fact. if you’re around in the summer, late july, drop in! yeah, you had to grow your vegetables. i mean we had to. you couldn’t go out to the stores and buy vegetables in those days. you had to grow it to live. yep, we had big gardens .and you had to work hard b’y, ’tis a lot o hard work. everybody worked-when you’re old enough to work you had to work. that’s….that’s it. everyone had to help you know. but you managed to get enough. usually. we did anyway. you kept from…you grew enough to have seeds for the next year. and people traded seeds back and forth. some had more than others. they just shared with one another. everyone had to grow vegetables if they wanted to live. that’s what it amounted to. lots of poor people too, who needed help you know. people who had a little more helped. everyone helped everyone else. that’s the way we lived. if you needed something you had no trouble to go next door, if they had it, you got it; same way in reverse.)

you’ll be a bright light coming out of the dark all the doctors blinking hard you’ll be lightning coming out of a storm it’s a message! it’s a miracle!

you will do alright you got your mother’s eyes you got your daddy’s head, everything you need

for this hard ride they’ll be strapping you on oh the ups and downs and you can’t get off! yeah, it’s trouble we’re handing off and you gotta do better than us

but it’ll be alright you got lots of time you got your daddy’s love, everything you want

i can feel you, and what you’re going to be you’ll be stronger, you’ll be smarter than me! oh baby! i’ll say it again you’re the most incredible thing!

sorry this is it it’s cold and hard and badly lit and there’s no backing out of it

so forget where you’ve been it’ll never be that good again and we must only look ahead

soon you’re thirty three and everything you tried to be was pulled apart by fear and greed

but young hands can build you up and carve your face in honest rock sunlight on your noble jaw

young hands build you up…. so i’m happy that you’ve come along i’m happy that you’ve come

we watch the land and imagine our bodies buried within all the blurring green imagine our bodies hovering

we’re always on the edge we’re always on the edge of something bigger than this.

said: i ain’t married yet, not some marionnette, i cut my strings and i went wandering

between two poles one was dirt and the other was gold they push and pull if one is evil is the other one good? is it good? cause we’re always on the edge we’re always on the edge of something bigger than this cause we’re always on the edge we’re always on the edge of some impossible trick

i spit my piece the words are sweet but they hardly speak so i shut my teeth and i won’t say anything

i’m losing you. i can see it. i’m losing you. i can see it. i can see it. i can see through. the thin skin’s moving. i can see through it.

like a loose balloon, i am lost and loving the view

in the wet grass out back we spread the sheet and with one last easy laugh the night released we breathed the dark, the shaking stars the distant, constant cars breathed the sweet air between us

what was it like? to be young, strong, stupid and drunk soft in the jagged night my open, rosy throat dekeing secret knives now we close these petals to the oncoming ice

and i’m not coming out, i’m not coming out, i’m not coming out, i’m not coming out.

my love, my love is dead i buried it in the falling leaves, looking awful green, in the whipping wind my love, my love is dead i buried it and it’s better hid, all the shit we sling into the whipping wind my love, my love is dead i buried it just an honest kid, i always did everything they said my love, my love is dead i buried it what a senseless thing! this heart in shreds in the whipping wind!

couldn’t shake the cold away a year alone, stock still and stuck in snow

two black eyes, this phoney smile my senses dead, my body bent in ice

then you took off your winter clothes and you leaned against with your eager innocence

my brittle knotted wrists twitched reaching out for it

when we’re running from the hospital, don’t stop. don’t stop. though the guards’ll call, and the cops’ll come, don’t stop. don’t stop. they do not know us. we don’t stop because of our love. our love. and we don’t need their law, like the paper it’s written on, it will fade. it will melt away. like snow, it runs to the river below

it will come around but everything is now i know everything is right now

and the loneliness is a lot the nothing weighs a ton i mean the nothing weighs a fucking ton

that half of the bed empty like a page all the cursive claims you’ve yet to make

all the promising lines bending like her spine oh the whiteness that your pen could write

if you get these bandages off you can stand, you can walk leave these towels and gauze you’ll get up, you’ll get out into the sun

that’s where we belong we’ve been abed too long all our weaknesses are growing strong

but the winter always ends with water on your lips the april rain comes swinging in

get these bandages off let me stand, let me walk leave these towels and gauze let me up, let me out into the sun

cause come she will oh come she will

she comes oh she comes son she comes…